"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
