dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
