I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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