The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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