You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So much Jack, so little girl.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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