So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
