it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
