I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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