remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So vagazzling was a success
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