True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize