I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
