Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
