Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
