Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
not ubering you a puppy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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