I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
