will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why do cheetos always look like penises
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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