I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
