I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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