Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize