Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
