if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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