i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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