Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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