I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
