a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
