i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
