just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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