6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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