I could have mohawked her pubes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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