put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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