come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
