I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
