I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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