My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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