Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
