All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
