They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
