Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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