is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
