Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
