There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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