i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Found your dick twin last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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