Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
