Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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