im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
