News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I see more hoeing in ur future
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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