In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
