I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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