I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
