for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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