If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
