There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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