Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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