I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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