I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
