I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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