So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
