Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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