That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
