OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
