So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he thought i was a dude.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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