Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
