How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
