life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
