Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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