I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
