I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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