i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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