sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is my gift to your gina
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
