The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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