i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
