So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
