This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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