her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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