I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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